Some days are fine. I feel successful, proud and on top of the game. Other days leave me fatigued, drained and completely depressed. Transitioning from college life with a flexible schedule to the rigid adult world of 8-to-5 has been brutal for me. It would be better if I knew I would get used to it, because I’ve only been out for one year. Thing is, older co-workers have told me they still haven’t.
The main issues I’ve encountered include exhaustion. I am a terrible sleeper, and when I was in college, I planned my classes so I could sleep in and take naps. But I’m feeling constantly exhausted and fatigued with a “real-world” schedule. I recently did a sleep study at a sleep disorders clinic, and they think I may have obstructive sleep apnea due to large tonsils. If I do, the tonsils can be removed and my sleeping problems will be solved. If it’s not it, I’m not sure what I can do to get more restful sleep.
I have a wonderful boyfriend of nearly three years, but we don’t live together and are both very busy. We have to spend a lot more effort making time for each other now, and it’s been a difficult adjustment. I’ve also had to work much harder to make the effort to see friends and maintain relationships. Get-togethers usually have to be planned further ahead. Many nights I’m too tired to see friends; other nights I see them but am so tired, we don’t have much time together. I’ve lost touch with many people. I used to be somewhat of a social butterfly, so this has been a rough and lonely transition.
I’m on an entry-level salary and live alone, so to help make ends meet and fund vacations, I babysit and do some freelance work. It’s incredibly beneficial, but adds more to my plate. Not to mention I have a digestive disorder, Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), which makes me feel crummy and sick very often. It’s something I could manage well with college — the flexible hours, the ease of missing class if I needed to, the long holidays. But having to be somewhere about nine hours a day, five days a week is tough on someone with an unpredictable and uncomfortable illness. I try to tough it out because my boss isn’t keen on us working from home often, but I question how much longer I can take working full-time with my condition. There are times where I feel working from home is the best answer for me, but then I worry I’d be too socially deprived.
Now that I sound like a total grump, I’ll let you know why all this disturbs me on a deeper level. I feel that balance in my life is hard enough to find right now. I feel like my head is always spinning and I’m always drop-dead tired. I feel like I can barely make enough time for my loved ones. So this makes me wonder how I could ever handle having children, especially while trying to maintain a marriage. I think of how exhausted and hungry I am when I come home from work, and try to imagine having to spend the rest of the evening caring for children and taking them to and from lessons and games. It seems completely impossible and I am afraid I could never juggle it all. To add onto my fears, my parents are divorced and my mom has divorced again since, so I’m already scared enough about trying to make a marriage work. Is it really possible for us to do it all? Was it always this hard, or does modern society put more pressure on us to be superheros and juggle too much at one time? How can I find a balance and keep my head on straight? That’s what I’m here to figure out.
