Finding Equilibrium

Hi everyone,

Sorry I’ve been MIA lately. I’ve been working with a WordPress guru to develop this blog on my own domain. You can now find it at www.findingeq.com. Please update your bookmarks. Thanks!

Emily

This morning, going into work, I had a feeling I’d be coming home shortly. I had cramps and an upset stomach, which usually always accompany the bittersweet arrival of my monthly curse. My boss, who knows I have some chronic health problems, lets me work from home when I’m feeling really uncomfortable, so after about an hour and a half of suffering at the office, I high-tailed it back to my apartment.

I’m really enjoying working from home today. I’m able to watch the dog and cat wrestle (they’re hilarious), and when they’re not playing, the dog is curled up next to me or in my lap. I have the television on in the background. I can do all my work on my laptop from the comfort of my couch in underwear. Some days, boy do I love working at home. I wish I could do it more often, but then I remember my first job right out of school.

It was a PR/marketing job that I took until I could find something in journalism. It was a tiny company — at the beginning it was just me, the business owner and an intern. The intern was dismissed mid-summer, so then it was just me and the boss. He kept saying he was going to hire a partner and grow the business, but it never happened. Soon he got a consulting position at another company, which was supposed to be part-time, but ended up taking almost all his time. Because I was so often by myself at the office, he told me I could work home whenever I wanted. I was thrilled and thought it wouldn’t even feel like work.

But it sucked. At that point my real duties diminished (it turns out he was in the process of closing down the business) and I was mainly doing research and data entry, which quickly became mind-numbing. Spending every day alone in my one-bedroom apartment got old fast. I was getting cabin fever. I was dying to get out of the house and talk to a real, live human — even if just to interact with the Blockbuster cashier. When I finally found an opportunity in journalism and got out of that job, suddenly spending every day in an office populated with warm bodies felt like a novelty.

But soon after entering cubeland, I began to miss the quiet and peacefulness of working at home. I was tired of hearing other peoples’ conversations, dealing with annoying people and and sitting at an uncomfortable desk. I missed my dog and my couch and my freedom. It seemed that the grass is always greener on the other side. I realized that my ideal is smack dab in the middle of the two situations. Some days I crave that interaction I get in office and love that I can just walk around the corner and chat with friendly co-workers. Other days I just want to focus on my work and be left alone from the distractions of dozens of people, and not have to make small-talk every time I venture into the office kitchen.

I think it’s wonderful that my current boss let’s me work from home every once in a while when I’m feeling really bad, though he told me he only wants me to do that when I absolutely have to since he thinks it’s really important for us to all interact in person. Because of that, sometimes when my IBS is acting up I suck it up and stay even though I’m feeling miserable. I just put on my happy face and try to appear normal.

After experiencing both types of work environments, I think I would be extremely content if I had a job that allowed me (or everyone, for that matter) to work from home two days a week. That would give me three solid days of face-to-face interaction with colleagues, plenty of time for meetings and more than enough social time. Two days at home would allow me to really focus on things that I want to accomplish, allow me to spend a little more time with my dog and help me feel a little less stressed and more comfortable when I’m not feeling great. It wouldn’t be so much time alone that I would feel isolated or lonely. And just think of the money to be saved on gas!

I have the type of personality in which I get stressed out and burnt out easily, and my IBS causes me to feel really crummy some days. But as I mentioned, I really do enjoy face-to-face interaction. I truly think having the option to work from home one or two days a week would help me, and countless others, feel a little more sane. Though as I mentioned, I’ve learned that I’m also not the type that can handle a 100% telecommute job well. If I did find a job like that, I would have to work at coffee shops and restaurants frequently to avoid cabin fever. I’ve considered one day trying to be a full-time freelancer, but the thought of working at home full-time is a little daunting.

How do you feel about working at home? Love it or hate it?

Last night I was catching up on some of the Newsweek issues that arrived while I was in Europe. A short column on blogging particularly caught my eye. According to mental health experts, blogging is a new form of medicine.

The column says mental health experts are beginning to see blogging as a very therapeutic practice — more so than regular diaries, “chiefly because of its built-in audience.” Not only that, but an upcoming study mentioned in the column will show that bloggers may be happier than the blogless. Because of this, blogging is now being incorporated in some psychiatric/psychological therapy. I’m not surprised — the counselor I went to all throughout college encouraged me to write, and even gave me handouts about studies proving how cathartic and helpful writing is for those suffering from depression and anxiety.

Another perk of blogging, the column says, is that it “fulfills the primal need for sympathy.” It keeps us from isolation, and when we need help, it arrives via comments (well, that depends on the success of the blog).

It also says the anonymity of the blog is therapeutic because “it’s high intimacy with low vulnerability.” This is actually more complicated than it sounds since anonymity varies blog-to-blog. Some blogs, such as My Open Wallet, are completely anonymous — all we know is that the author is a single professional woman living in New York. There are other blogs where you know the first name of the person and see their pictures, but don’t know their last name or day job (I suppose mine is that way). I’m pretty happy with that level of anonymity. Then there are those like Penelope Trunk, who is one of my all-time favorite bloggers. She puts everything out on the table, and it’s no secret who she is, what she does, where she lives, etc. I would be happy to be that open, but it could affect my day job, and I cannot risk that.

Even more interesting, the column concludes by saying if you reveal too much in your blog, you can feel shame and guilt, so you should make sure not to spill all the beans online. The aforementioned Penelope gets extremely personal, blogging about going to marriage counseling and her first few dates post-divorce. For some people, that works (though you have to have tough skin — not all comments are friendly). Others will feel remorse after revealing too much, so only write as much as you feel comfortable. If you have a tendency to reveal to much, before you publish, ask yourself if your mother would object to anything you have written about. That might help.

I definitely agree with almost everything the column said. I have only had this blog for a few weeks, but I’ve been blogging at work since late last year and truly enjoy the interaction it provides. Back in high school I had a Xanga where I wrote about my personal life, and while it was much more cathartic, it got dramatic very fast. I’ll never go that far again, but I do love blogging and the online community it provides.

Have you felt the therapeutic benefits of blogging?

I’m not going to lie: I was scared to death of eating while abroad on my recent Europe trip. Haggis, black pudding, strange sausages, snails, rabbit, frog legs…oh my! I definitely wanted to be a little adventurous, but knowing my propensity for tummy troubles, I knew I couldn’t be too risky. Plus, I am a very picky eater, and I try to eat healthy whenever I possible. I knew it was going to be tricky.

A delicious and healthy salad I had in Hamburg

The best way I found to eat well was to stay somewhere with a kitchen. In Edinburgh, Scotland, instead of staying in a hotel, my mom and I stayed in a cute little serviced apartment. When we did choose to eat out, I stayed with safe things — potatoes, sandwiches, Italian food, and Chinese food. But there was a great grocery store around the corner, so we bought healthy snacks and meals to have around the house. Not only did that save us loads of money (the exchange rate with the pound is wretched), but it allowed my tummy to enjoy some familiar and low-fat foods. In Germany, I stayed at a friend’s apartment for a few nights, and we did the same thing — went grocery shopping and made most of our meals and ate most of our snacks at his house. It saved a lot of money. It was especially helpful for me because German food can be heavy, and this way I was able to buy things I knew would agree with me and allowed me to eat healthier.

A cheeseburger I had in France -- surprise, no bun!

Fortunately, in the U.K., I could just ask if I had any questions about food since they all speak English (thank God I asked what black pudding was — it’s congealed blood!). I knew I’d be with a local in Germany who could translate food labels for me. But I was really nervous about France, where I didn’t know the language and wouldn’t have anyone there to help me (or stop me from accidentally ordering something horrendous).

To solve this problem, before I left the country I found a great site that listed every food term in French — basically a French/English dictionary for food — and printed it up and put it in my messenger bag. I can’t find the exact one I took with me, but here is an example of one. Funny thing is, I never ended up needing it — every French restaurant I went to had English subtitles on the menu or had a separate English menu. Every waiter I encountered spoke English. Then again, I was in a tourist-heavy part of Paris. I’m sure had I been in less-touristy parts of the city or in other regions of France, that dictionary would have REALLY come in handy. I’m glad I brought it just in case.

One of my few indulgences on the trip: An insanely delicious French pastry filled with vanilla creme

When I did decide to be daring and try something rich (such as a gorgeous French pastry) I made sure it was at the end of the day when I’d finished my sightseeing and was somewhat near home. My stomach is so touchy, I didn’t want to risk ruining the rest of the day to a stomach ache. That pastry was SO worth it though, and if you are a healthy eater or can only certain foods, I do recommend trying to eat outside of the box eeeevery once in a while, just to get a taste of that culture. Though I know I would have been absolutely miserable had I eaten quiches, pastries, and other rich foods every day!

Eating in a foreign country is scary and exciting, and is some peoples’ favorite part of travel. For picky, healthy, sensitive eaters such as myself, it incites fear and anxiety. I was just, fine though — utilizing grocery stores, asking questions, doing research, and sticking to comfort foods most of the time worked well. And I have no regrets about eating that pastry!

Have you had any interesting or troubling culinary experiences while traveling abroad?

Two weeks ago, I was at a nightclub in Hamburg, Germany, hanging out with an old friend who lives there. I met several of his friends, all of whom speak English. They asked me how long I was in Europe for, and I told them I was traveling four countries in two weeks. “Just two weeks?” they all asked. “Why would you come all the way here for only two weeks?” I told them I only had 11 vacation days from work this year, and between those, the weekends, and the July 4th holiday, that amounted to just over two weeks of freedom.

“You only get ELEVEN vacation days?” they asked in a stupor. They seriously could not believe it and laughed, somewhat convinced I was joking. “Why?” I asked. “How many days do you guys get?” A few said 25, but most said 30. They explained that is standard, and some people even get more in Germany. And that’s not counting holidays.

According to an article about world-wide vacation policies in In These Times,

The European Union requires its members to set a minimum standard of four weeks paid vacation (covering part-time workers as well). Finland and France require six weeks paid vacation, plus additional paid holidays.

America is the only major industrialized country to have so few vacation days — not just that, but there are no American laws that even require us to even have paid vacation days. Because of that, some employers provide none or very few. We work increasingly long hours (when I was younger I was told everyone worked 9-to-5; since graduating college I’ve learned that it’s now 8-to-5). We aren’t given enough time to take off work and relax and see the world. In fact, we aren’t even using all of the few vacation days we’re given.

What’s wrong with us? Why do Americans work so long and so hard without breaks? Why has our government not stepped in and made regulations about this? I’ve already written about studies finding that not vacationing can cause major health problems. I wonder what else has to happen before we hit a new low. Our economy isn’t doing too well right now, so there’s no way the government or employers will favor paying people to work less anytime soon. But what will it take?

I’m afraid people will continue to work longer hours and take even less vacation as time goes on and America struggles to stay a superpower. This benefits employers for a while, until workers become sick and burnt-out. Americans truly need more vacation time, even if they don’t use that time for anything except hanging out at home with family. People need a break every once in a while or they will fall apart. In Germany, everyone said they were given enough vacation time to take some nice trips (I think seeing the world and becoming more cultured is SO important) but they also have enough days that they can just take an occasional day off when they are feeling burnt out or have a friend in town. I rarely have enough days to spare to do that. Going on this long trip truly revitalized me and gave me a wonderful break from work and life, though I had to use every single vacation day I had to use it — now I only have several holidays for the rest of the year, such as Labor Day and Thanksgiving. If any surprises come up, I’ll have to use one of my few remaining sick days. I just wish we had Europe’s policies so I could do another two-week trip (or staycation) six months from now.

Several days ago I returned from a two-week romp around Scotland, England, Germany and France (which explains my absence from the blog). It was great fun, but the constant travel and sightseeing were a bit stressful, and while my Irritable Bowel Syndrome didn’t stop me from eating croissants in Paris and hiking through the hills of Scotland, it did bother me at some inconvenient moments. Seeing as there are millions of people suffering from IBS and other equally frustrating digestive conditions, I know there are many who look at global travel with trepidation. I too went into this adventure with extreme fear, as it would be the most travel-intensive trip I’ve been on since I’ve had IBS, but it taught me a lot about travel with chronic illness. I want to share with you what I have learned.

Me at Smailholm Tower in the Scottish borders, where Sir Walter Scott lived as a young boy with polio

1) Don’t be afraid to tell people about your condition. If you’re staying at a bed and breakfast and are afraid you’ll come across as rude if you decline a hearty breakfast, think about what’s more important. It’s not worth eating something that you know will upset your stomach later just to appear nice. Be honest and explain that you have a very touchy stomach and are afraid it won’t agree with you. Nobody can argue with that. Or if you’re going to be confined to a tour bus or something similar, let your guide know that you have a health condition and may require an occasional stop. Most people will be happy to accommodate you. It can’t hurt to speak up.

2) Take preventative steps to quell your anxiety so you can truly enjoy your travels. Our brains and guts are so closely linked, so the more anxious we are, the worse our guts behave. It can quickly become a vicious cycle. One short-term solution is to get a prescription from your doctor for an anti-anxiety medicine such as Ativan or Xanax. These are not to be used often, but can really help you relax in a stressful situation. For example, I had to take long bus rides without bathroom access on two different mornings, during the time when my symptoms are often worst. The more I worried about it, the worse my stomach felt. But I popped my anti-anxiety medicine right before the rides and became calm enough to get through the trips without any incidents or anxiety attacks. Another anxiety-reliever is to wear disposable underwear or thin adult diapers during a situation when you are worried about toilet access. Before you blush, remember you’ll probably never even need to actually utilize them. It is purely as a preventative, to reduce anxiety about a potential worst-case scenario. And if that worst-case scenario happens, you are protected until you can get into a better situation. Don’t feel ashamed.

3) Research, research, research and be prepared. Know you’re going on a long bus ride and assume there will be a bathroom on board, but get on the vehicle only to discover you’ll be nowhere near a toilet for hours? Those kinds of surprises are horrible and anxiety-inducing for those suffering from unpredictable digestive conditions. Think of any potential situations that may cause you anxiety or distress and research them before you go on your trip. Perhaps you want to visit the Notre Dame tower. It will be helpful to do your research and find out that the 50-minute tower tour includes no toilet access, so you will know to avoid it if you aren’t feeling 100 percent. The more you know what to expect, the less surprises (and anxiety) you will encounter. Also, when you go somewhere new, you may want to ask where the nearest toilet is before you even need to use it. That way you can be mentally and physically prepared for a tummy situation.

4) Listen to your body and take a break if you need to. Sightseeing on an upset stomach is not fun. If you need to lay down on the couch until a stomach ache goes away or hang at in the hotel room until your Immodium kicks in, do it, and WITHOUT GUILT. What’s the point of traveling if you’re not going to enjoy it? After all, you are on vacation. Take the time you need to relax and feel better, so when you do get out and see the sights, you are fully present and ready to enjoy it. There were a few different times during my trip when I had a stomach upset and chose to stay at the hotel and rest until I felt better. It was frustrating, but my travel partners understood and went out to do some activities without me. When I felt good enough to go back out, I felt refreshed and ready to embrace the new experiences.

Me at Edinburgh Castle

5) Always keep some coins handy. While it can sometimes be easy to find a free toilet in Europe, you will inevitably find yourself in situations where you have to pay to go. I found this to be the case at public gardens in Paris, in train stations in Germany and Paris, at a tourist cafe in Versailles, and at a rural tourist site in Scotland. In most cases it was 40 or 60 cents (in pounds or euros). Sometimes it was an actual person accepting the money, so they could make change from bills, but other times, it was an automatic machine that accepted coins only. If you find yourself in such a situation, you’ll be really glad you had some coins handy. Also, you may need to occasionally buy something to use a toilet at a business — I had to buy a bottle of water in order to use the bathroom at one cafe in Paris.

6) Be fearless! This is the hardest tip but most important. You only have one life, and you should enjoy it to the fullest while you can. I went on this trip shaking in my boots, knowing I’d be out of my comfort zone in so many ways. I wouldn’t know where the bathrooms were, I’d be stuck in cars and buses for hours, and I had to many things to do in such a short amount of time. But I realized I had to go into it knowing that I would have a great time. I knew my severe IBS would cause some glitches, which it did, but it by no means ruined my trip. This began as a fear-filled adventure, but it ended up making me so much more confident about my ability to travel the world. It wasn’t perfect and surely would have been much more enjoyable sans IBS, but those weren’t the cards I was dealt. I had be Zen about it and do the very best I could. That’s all that counts. I had to take certain measures — for example, I knew it would be stupid to eat a huge piece of quiche before a long subway ride. I mostly had light snacks during the day, and often didn’t have real meals until dinner, when I was done sightseeing and near my hotel. It wasn’t ideal, but it allowed me to explore all day long, and I still got to eat some wonderful French food in the evenings. I did as many things as I could to reduce stress, control my symptoms, and enjoy the new experiences instead of fearing them. And it was so worth it.

If you suffer from IBS or a similar condition, don’t expect everything to go smoothly all the time while traveling abroad. Even perfectly healthy people can get sick while traveling abroad. But if you go into the trip with confidence and take the steps mentioned above, you will feel more relaxed and find the experience more enjoyable. After the trip, you will feel so proud.